


Fragile

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Depression, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 14:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9495485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Suicide Hotline Links://International: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.htmlU.S: http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.htmlPlease get help if you need it.Trigger warnings: suicide, drug use, drug abuse, major character death, explicit language, rape, violence, implied attempted murder, confessions, sexual violence, sexual language, and in general a giant trigger fest.In which Kenma writes to Kuroo but the distance still kills him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please get help if you're feeling this way. You are loved and your feelings are valid. You need to remember to take care of yourself. This fanfiction is not for the fragile hearted.

_Hello,_

 

I know I haven't written in a while, sorry Kuroo. 

Things got really hectic with school and the court case and stuff. 

I guess I've been thinking a lot about what happened and I've been doing drugs again. I haven't really come off a high for a few days now. I'm probably dying anyway, so don't worry.

I can't even play video games without crying now. I can't even go into town because my stomach can't handle it. I'm stuck inside with nothing to do anymore and I'm still functioning but I spend most day activities crying and the night times are the worst.

Things just aren't getting better like you said it would and I know I promised I wouldn't relapse but I did. I'm really sorry. I didn't really mean to, things get so fucked up in my head lately. I feel like everyone is watching me. This whole thing is so publicized. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I wish you were around. Maybe you could have come down before all this shit happened and taken me out for a while. I wouldn't complain if we never returned. I'd rather run away with you than be stuck here dealing with all this shit.

I've been having thoughts that maybe I wish it were you and not  _him_. I haven't really talked about the explicit details with anyone, obviously. It's embarrassing. I could just send this to you via text or email but we haven't spoken at all lately and I feel like something this important should be given to you as a physical copy so I'll mail this on Monday morning (I'm writing this at 3:00am on Sunday morning).

The drugs haven't really been doing shit lately. Don't worry, please. It's just some acid. I'm sticking with what I know and it stops me from caring so much for a while. It's like a hug from you but less warm and it makes me feel tired when I come off it. 

They have the guy now. He confessed and apologized but I can't just accept him as a human after what he did. 

I feel like you stopped talking to me because you're disgusted with what I did. I'm disgusted too. I'm disgusted that it was him, is what I mean. 

You know I'm gay, right Kuroo?

I haven't told anyone yet. If I told anyone all I'd get is " _He_ turned you, didn't he?" And I can't bear to think that my feelings are dehumanized because some guy couldn't control his raging homosexual erection one night. 

Ha, sorry. I'm crying now. Sometimes I still have nightmares about it even though it's been months now. I can still feel his fingerprints buried into my hips as if I got his touch tattooed or something. I can't touch myself without crying. I'm sorry if that's too much information but we've gotten off together before so I just thought it wouldn't be too weird.

Is it weird to say that I wish it were you instead of him?

I wish you were still around.

You probably have a girlfriend. You probably love her and that's why you're so distant. Because whatever I had with you is in the past now.

God damn it I wish I had just told you.

Listen, there is a reason I'm writing this tonight.

I'm drunk, on acid, (bad combination), in love with you, a rape victim, suicidal, tired, and losing my best friend I've had for decades.

There is really no reason for me to continue living. Living past this point is stupid.

I'm going to kill myself, Kuroo.

I'm going to do it after I mail this letter. 

Don't tell anyone about this letter. Keep it a secret because it shows just how I felt before ending it all and I'm sick of my personal life being so public ever since the trial started. 

I'm going to make sure the last thing I say to you is going to live with you forever.

Kuroo, you were a great friend. But where were you when I was raped with slash marks all over my thighs and left for dead in the middle of a dark street in the middle of the night? Fucking some girl? At a party with a bunch of friends at your fancy college? 

I don't care what you were doing.

I wonder what you taste like, Kuroo. 

Goodbye. I hope you sleep well tonight and I hope you have a good life because some asshole had to completely destroy mine. 

I love(d) you, Kuroo. 

_Love, Kenma._

 


End file.
